ROYAL WEDDING – BAH HUMBUG!

The eyes of the world, along with probably about a zillion camera lenses, are focused on the Royal Wedding between Prince William and Kate Middleton. Well, not mine!

I’m bored of hearing about it, I’m not interested in what the wedding dress is like, or what Kate is going to wear afterwards. Unfortunately, the poor lass will be under scrutiny from now on every time she steps out of her Anglesey home. She’ll become a fashion icon whether she likes it or not; when she gets it right, the critics will adore her but they’ll soon hiss and boo if they believe she’s made a fashion faux pas.

I feel sorry for her. I mean, she’s really just a normal human being who just happened to fall in love with a prince. Imagine if you couldn’t so much as pop down to the corner shop without making sure every bit of you looks immaculate (then again, she probably won’t venture out to the corner shop, but that’s not the point!).

What if you got a bad case of the munchies and you were simply desperate for a bar of chocolate, but you looked a right state? Personally, I’d just throw on something clean, (not necessarily ironed – it’s only my corner shop after all!), pin back my hair and make a dash for it, hoping I didn't bump into Mr Gorgeous en route). The last thing I’d be doing is spending a couple of hours making sure I was coiffed, suited and booted and thoroughly presentable. Nothing comes between me and my chocolate fix – when my hormones kick in and I need chocolate, I have to have it NOW!

Imagine what it must be like being told what you can and can’t wear. What if Kate got a sudden urge to go wild and wear a goth/punk/rock ensemble but royal etiquette dictates she is now destined only to wear simple, conservative dresses and suits with sensible heels? Imagine what sort of life that would be, to not have the freedom to express yourself by the way you choose to dress.

The worrying thing for me is that so many people will want to emulate her style, just as they did with Princess Diana. A bleak future of Kate clones may be on the horizon but I’ll stick to my own style, if it’s all the same to you.

If you want to create your own style and not be a copycat, check out http://www.fashionkillerz.com/, where you can find a whole range of unique clothing and fashion accessories all created by independent designers.

HELP! SUMMER IS COMING.

Oh nooooooooo! Summer will soon be here! Don’t get me wrong, I LOVE the long, and hopefully sunny days but it does unfortunately bring with it the horror of having to reveal more body parts than is strictly necessary in order to stay cool.

No more hiding the wobbly bits underneath big, cosy layers. Aaaaaargh! Well, the four times a week trip to the gym (pilates, yoga, zumba and badminton) since January don’t seem to have had the desired effect as yet - the flabby bits are still very much in evidence - so maybe now it’s time for more drastic action and I should go on a crash diet!

OK, so I ate almost an entire packet of flapjacks yesterday – at least they’re healthy – sort of! And my penchant for sea salt and balsamic vinegar crisps probably isn’t helping, blame it on my hormones! So I’ll start my healthy eating regime…next week… maybe.

The other worry, of course, is that I resemble something of a glow-worm. Typical English Rose, some might say, however, my incredibly white legs are particularly scary. Sunbed? Ooooh no, I hear you cry. Not good. Fake tan, then? Tried that before and ended up looking like a slice of streaky bacon and smelling like, well I’m not sure what like, but certainly not good. I could sit out in the spring sunshine slathered in Factor 50 (I burn easily, OK!) but I think I’d need to spend at least 6 months in the sun to get even a whiff of colour.

Maybe I’d better just resort to long-flowing ankle length skirts and long sleeved tops. Or maybe I should just become a hermit until autumn arrives.

Well, have you got any better ideas?

LEGGINGS!

I need to get something off my chest. Leggings! No, I don’t have leggings on my chest but I am getting more than a little worried about these garments.

Leggings are fab. They are comfortable and reasonably inexpensive but… and this is where my problem lies… you have to wear them properly!

World, pay attention; leggings worn on their own only look good on those blessed with super slim, super toned legs and buns. If, like yours truly, you are blessed with wobbly bits and cellulite, then forget it. This doesn’t mean you have to ditch your comfy wardrobe staple, it just means you need to wear them in a more appropriate manner. Wear them like tights under a short skirt (if short skirts suit your shape!) or shorts, or wear them under a long top. Please, please just not on their own!

And for goodness sake if you are going to ignore my advice, at least make sure they are of decent quality. Last week, I spent an hour in my pilates class, trying not to look at the girl in front of me who was wearing a pair of leggings that were made from such thin fabric, they were practically obscene. I’m just glad I was behind her rather than the poor teacher in front of her who must have had a real eyeful!

And then there was the girl I passed on the way to the supermarket the other day. Did the whole of Worcester really need to see that she was wearing black and white striped knickers with red hearts on under her leggings? I think not.

Wise up ladies, the world is watching!

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DEDICATED FOLLOWER OF FASHION

I was working away in my studio the other day and on my MP3 player came The Kinks playing Dedicated Follower of Fashion, it’s a great song which always puts a smile on my face.

“They seek him here, they seek him there,
His clothes are loud, but never square.
It will make or break him so he's got to buy the best,
'Cause he's a dedicated follower of fashion”

This was rapidly followed by David Bowie’s ‘Fashion’ which seems to me to be more about a new dance craze than about fashion per se…

“There's a brand new dance
but I don't know its name
That people from bad homes
do again and again
It's big and it's bland
full of tension and fear
They do it over there but we don't do it here”

…but hey, it got me thinking - not a good thing when I’m wielding a sharp pair of scissors, but still!

Since the 50’s, when the notion of ‘teenager’ was first born, fashion has followed major music movements – Rockabilly, punk, ska, heavy rock, New Romantics, goth… they’ve all generated their own style as fans emulated their favourite music idols.

But equally, music can be influenced by fashion – but as in the chicken and egg scenario, which comes first? Take punk as an example. Did punk music spark its associated fashions and attitudes, or was it the anger of a disillusioned youth who, fed up with high levels of unemployment, took to anarchy and rebellion, part of which involved (literally) sticking two fingers up at the conservative world of fashion (and the world at large) at the time? Did wearing punk clothes give them a whole new, anti-establishment persona, just like an actor really gets into character when he’s in costume? And did that lead to the birth of punk as these angry individuals attempted to spread their message through music?

I’m sorry, I don’t have the answer to that. My guess, is that each acted as a catalyst for the other. As with the chicken and the egg, to be honest, I don’t really care. I just find it interesting to see the intrinsic links they share.

Here are a few more songs about fashion you might like to listen to, some well-known, others less so…

Madonna – Vogue

Hanoi Rocks – Fashion

Green Day – Fashion Victim

Suede – She’s in Fashion

Lady Gaga – Fashion

There are loads more but I just don’t have the time…